Thoughts from a Marriage Counselor

Pastor John Hunsberger

Foundations of Marriage

This journey through Ephesians 5 will soon lead us to a key passage regarding marriage. But before we dive into those verses next week, let’s start by acknowledging the basics of biblical marriage.

First, we understand that marriage is an institution established by a loving God that predates the fall of man. It is both good and redemptive. In other words, God’s original intention was that man not be alone or “complete on his own.” Additionally, we understand from Ephesians that the mystery of Christ and the Church includes a redemptive plan for humanity that is mirrored in the institution of marriage.

Second, we assume that marriage is between one man and one woman and is the cornerstone of family, the building block of society.

Third, we assume that all of creation, including marriage, has been tainted by sin. There is no one who is perfect; we have all gone astray, and our hearts are constantly bent towards evil. We will fail one another in marriage, it is a given, and a constant reminder that we all need the daily grace that only comes from the cross.

Fourth, we believe that marriage is a covenantal promise rather than a contractual obligation. The key difference is that we are promising ourselves to another person unconditionally which requires vulnerability and trust. Vulnerability and trust can open us to deep pain, but they are essential to true intimacy.

Perhaps these assumptions are obvious to you, or maybe you’ve been functioning with different assumptions. The ideas we bring to the topic of marriage will radically shape our decisions and actions, so it’s important to articulate what we believe and to understand how your partner views marriage as well.

Points to Ponder

• Do the four ideas listed above match your assumptions regarding marriage?
• Paul describes some characteristics of being filled with the Spirit in Ephesians 5:19–21. What would you imagine a Spirit-filled marriage could look like?
• Have you ever thought of your marriage as being more than just about you? Your marriage as part of God’s plan for a healthy society?